I Want Candy!

Remember the show Meet the Jetsons? That's right. I'm referring to George Jetson and his family. For those of you who never use to watch the cartoon, it depicted a future where entire meals came in pill form. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? I mean, who would sacrifice a delicious turkey dinner with all the trimmings for a stinkin' pill? As hard as it may be to believe, I feel society is headed right in that direction.

Take a minute and think about all the pills that exist in this world and what they are used for. We have pills to make you happy, improve your sex life, prevent pregnancy, decrease appetite, lower cholesterol, lower blood pressure, help you sleep, help you grow muscle, stay alert, kill bacteria, and the list goes on and on. We have pills for almost everything. So what is wrong with this? At first glance....nothing. However, how did society become so dependent on pills? The answer: Candy!

Believe it or not, candy is responsible for more than cavities and hyperactivity. Think about how candy has evolved over the last few decades. Notice any patterns? Candy has been getting smaller and smaller. We have Jolly Ranchers, Goobers, hard candy, bite-sized chocolate bars, Tic-Tacs, Altoids, Pez, and so on. My point? Doesn't it seem strange that candy is resembling pills more and more?

It's not strange at all. In fact, it makes all the sense in the world. Everybody loves candy. The smaller it gets, the more we associate it with taking a pill. After all, candy is much like medicine; both make us feel better. So who would possibly want us to become more desensitized to ingesting a pill? That's right...pharmaceutical companies. While I'm not one who buys into conspiracy theories easily, I have to admit that what I'm pointing out here is quite logical.

Pharmaceutical companies manufacture pills. There is a growing trend worldwide of people turning toward natural remedies rather than prescription drugs. If this trend continues, companies like Bristol-Myers and many others will be out of business. How then are these companies going to get us to "feel better" about taking pills? Well, why not start by making candy smaller. Make it so small in fact that candy could dissolve in your mouth. Better yet, why not make candy-flavored pills? Chocolate covered, caramel coated, melt-in-your-mouth delicious pills. Who could resist? Not many. A case in point: Why spend $2 or more on a cup of coffee when you could buy a dozen chocolate-covered coffee beans for the same price? Damn you Willy Wonka! And let us not forget the new orange-flavored chewable Centrum. I just took one and the thing was so frigin' sweet, I literally had to chase it with a entire glass of water.

This madness has to stop! We can no longer sit back and let drug companies seduce us into taking more pills by clouding our perceptions with smaller candy. We must dedicate ourselves to buying the biggest, most expensive candy bars possible. Only then will candy companies get the message that "we will not go gentle into that goodnight" with pathetically minute sweets.

With that being said, the question remains: Is there hope for the future? Or are we destined to live in a world where everything will come in pill form? Unfortunately, I have no complete answers as of yet, only too much time on my hands. But for your sake, and your children's, please... go to the nearest store, buy the largest candy bar you can find and FIGHT THE FUTURE!!!